Financial Abuse


When an abuser takes control over finances in order to prevent the victim from leaving and to gain and maintain the control in the relationship, THIS is financial abuse. This can be seen in many different ways!

What FA can look like:

  • Financial Decisions
    • Make financial decisions without consulting with the victim
    • Selling the victims property without permission and keeping the profit
  • Identity Theft
    • Steal the victim's identity
    • File tax returns fraudulently in the victim's name to cause financial burdens
  •  Banking
    • Requiring a joint bank account
    • Only allowing the use of their bank account
    • Preventing the victim access to the bank account or passwords to the bank account
    • Requiring access to the victims personal banking information
  • Credit
    • Forcing the victim to get loans together to legally tie you to them
    • Using the victims credit cards without their permission
    • Not allowing the victim to have a credit card or retain a credit card
  • Budgeting with allowance
    • Only allowing the victim a certain amount of money
    • Allowing the victim to make purchases but collecting all the receipts to make sure the money is only being spent where the abuser expects it to be spent
  • Job
    • Not allowing the victim to have a job
      • This can also mean the abuser will force you to quit your job
    • Not allowing the victim to go to work
      • Interfering with the victim to affect their work attendance and performance with a goal to get them fired.
    • Coming to the victims work to "make sure" they are working
      • The abuser may harass or stalk the victim at work
    • Requesting pay stubs to see exactly how much money the victim is providing
    • Will NOT work to make sure that the finances are spent to maintain the household and their living costs leaving the victim with no money to save or use personally
  • Child Support
    • Intentionally not pay their child support to ensure that the victim struggles financially to make ends meet

There are many ways that financial abuse can happen, and ALL of them don't need to be happening. In the end, if the action of the abuser intentionally causes the victim financial hardships, that is the financial abuse!

Did You Know?

  • FA happens in 98% of abusive relationships
  • Studies have shown that 78% of Americans do not recognize financial abuse as domestic abuse
  • According to the CDC - domestic violence affects over 10 million men and women every year
  • Financial abuse victims lose a total of 8 million days of paid work each year
  • In their lifetime, survivors lose nearly $53,000 in lost wages from financial abuse
  • Studies of domestic violence victims show
    • 59% had their credit harmed by their abuser
    • 53% had lost their jobs due to the abuse
    • 70% were not even able to have a job in their abuse


  • If you are in immediate danger, call 9-1-1!!
  • If you fear for your safety, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or TTY 800-787-3224 or contact a local hotline immediately.
  • If you are fearful for your or your children’s safety, please visit The Hotline 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224 or (206) 518-9361 (Video Phone Only for Deaf Callers)




The sad part is these statistics are even HIGHER in this community. In 2019 a survey was done in Wisconsin alone on FA in the LGBTQ+ community, these are some of the results:

  • Overall violence in the community: 79%
    • 11% was financial abuse
    • 12% stated that it was "hookup violence"
      • 9% of those were theft and burglary

Also, it literally costs more to be queer.

Statistics show that there is a lack of financial support for the LGBTQ+ community. The community is also discriminated against more in the workplace along with a larger pay gap. Healthcare is also higher for this community, because finding a provider out of network allows the community to receive the care they need without discrimination. But it comes at a higher cost since it's out of network. LGBTQ+ people are also moving to areas that are more inclusive, which tend to be areas with higher cost of living, making it cost more just to feel accepted in their area. Also, only 15 states in the US have laws in place that protect the LGBTQ+ community from being denied loans and credit cards for their sexual orientation.


Unfortunately, it costs to be queer, like I said before. So, you need to plan accordingly. These things affect every aspect of your life more than the average American, only because of your sexual orientation and that is 100% BULLSH*T! This should not be the case, but I cannot make the rules, I can only support those who support the change!

Getting Out

Getting out is not easy! When people ask, "Why don't they just leave." It's not that simple! There are things that have to be in place for the safety of the victim.


This is what needs to happen:

1. Make a plan - Where are you going? When can you go? What needs to be done before you can go? Who can help you? How is it going to work or look when you leave? - there is so many questions that need answered for this plan to run smoothly.

2. Find out who your people are - the people you trust and willing to help you keep safe. These needs to be people you can trust to not inform your abuser of the plan. People who can show up last minute to get your plan moving and get you out of your situation. These also have to be people you could trust with your kids while you execute your plan.

3. Get the documentation and important paperwork together or copied to a different location. This is documents like house deeds, loan paperwork, birth certificates, marriage certificates, all the important documentation that needs to be in your possession to make safety changes later.

4. Place a restraining order the day you execute your plan. This is one way to prevent your abuser from making contact while you leave or after they find out you have left.

5. Execute your plan.


If you are in this position or someone you know is in this position, please reach out and we will do our best to find local resources that can help you leave! We can help you with a plan!

If you need to talk to someone, please fill out the form below

We are NOT licensed or trained professionals. We are NOT therapists. We are however women who are willing to talk with you as a friend, to help you process and understand your current situations.